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3 tips for defeating a victim mindset

well you guys, i have yet another confession.

i struggle with having a "victim" mindset from time to time... and when i get there, it's quite the battle to get back to a "victor" mindset. which i guess makes sense, because...

"It's impossible to hold up the banners of victim and victor at the same time."- Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited

lately i have been DEEP in a victim-mindset rut. i've been complaining (even about good things), i've been looking at every interaction and situation from a place of fear, i've acted like everything is happening to me whether i want it to or not (boooohoooo), and my confidence and self-esteem have been essentially nonexistent - which means i've been way too focused on myself instead of those around me.

i'm going to come right out and say it - LIVING LIKE THIS SUCKS. it's awful. it's not even truly living, it's just flopping around like a messy toddler throwing a fit. there's no growth, and there's no helping anyone else grow... it's just gross and destructive and selfish and immature.

so i'll be leaving that lifestyle behind me starting NOW. if you're struggling with this as well, please join me on the journey back to living wholeheartedly and courageously!


first - remember that -

"you're imperfect and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." Brené Brown

if you believe that - and i mean really believe that you are WORTHY of love and belonging - then you can focus on living knowing you are loved regardless of what is going on around you or how other people treat you. let that truth shine out in the way that you interact with others and the way that you treat yourself. from experience, i can honestly say that those two changes (knowing i'm worthy, i'm enough and therefore living from that confident and peaceful place within myself) can have a huge impact on your life.

i highly recommend reading Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst and Rising Strong by Brené Brown if you don't quite believe those truths yet. or even if you do believe them but love to read powerful and applicable books that help you grow and challenge yourself.

(and yes, yes... i know. i quote them ALL THE TIME. they're two of my favorite authors/speakers/leaders)

second - set yourself some specific goals!! when i get complacent i almost always start sliding into that victim mindset rut. growth is so important to me, and working towards a goal always positively impacts my confidence. for this particular mental health goal (VICTOR MINDSET), i'll be limiting my social media time, reading for a minimum of 30 minutes a day, and adding a "gratitude list" to my daily quiet time (which is where i spend an hour or so with God each morning to start my day).

third - look for ways that you can help others. shifting the focus from "it's all about poor little ol' me" to thinking about those around us opens up countless opportunities to serve. spend time with your friends and make it all about them. create a safe space for them to be vulnerable and i guarantee there will be a "need" there - even if it's simply embracing them in empathy while they share their struggle with you, or celebrating a victory big or small. maybe someone needs accountability, or encouragement, or even a different perspective... when the focus isn't all on us, we have a chance to share some love and use the gifts that God has entrusted to us!

i hope these simple steps help you to create a healthy, confident, victor mindset. you are completely capable, and if there is anything that i can do to encourage you or to hold you accountable along this journey - please let me know!! i would love to have you hold me accountable as well.

p.s. happy valentine's day

kortney alacyn

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