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the problem with being single

Updated: Feb 14, 2019

hey guys!


sorry for being MIA so far this year - it has been a complete whirlwind. if the last seventeen days are any kind of indication of what to expect from 2019, it's going to be a crazy one!


anyway, today i want to share with you something that has been on my heart for a while. for those of you who don't know me, of the nine adults (including my siblings-in-law) in my family, i am currently the only one rocking the "single" status. it's been this way for a few years now, and so i assure you i have plenty of experience with what i want to talk to you about today.


the problem with being single is that society says we shouldn't be.


i wanted to see what different challenges or encouragements people had to share about being single, so i started googling. i started with a pretty generic search, "being single," and read a few articles. then i went to put in a different wording and realized that one of the most searched phrases is "how to be happy single when all your friends are in relationships." and so i clicked on that. guess what the VERY FIRST result was??


SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE. (also, do you see how many results it brought up!?!)


now obviously i am all for preventing suicide, and i know that it can be painful to be surrounded by people who are in relationships when that's something that you desire deeply. but... seriously? being single is not so awful that the very first result on a search like this should be about suicide prevention.


some people seem to think that being single is equivalent to being sad, incomplete, or that it automatically means that you're looking for a relationship. over the last few years i have been asked more times than i can count if i'm still the only one in my family not married. the phrasing changes slightly, but the answer to the question of my relationship status (yes, i am single!) is almost always followed by "oh, that's okay." (in a tone that emphasizes sympathy for my devastating plight)


now, to be clear, i'm not complaining about people taking an interest in my life or striking up conversation about my family or even my relationship status. i have grown so much in this season of my life, and i am thankful for everything that God is working on in me during this special time He and i have. what makes me sad and a little disappointed with this particular societal "norm" is the emphasis put on our relationship statuses in general, and the crystal clear message that being single isn't enough.


i do want to get married one day. but i want to get married to the man who i believe 100% i am going to be the best partner to, and who God has designed to be the best partner for me. and i know he's worth being patient for. that doesn't mean, however, that i am missing out on life while i'm being patient! there is so much that i am doing as a single woman, and so many ways in which i want to grow in order to be the best possible version of myself!


so just in case you have ever felt like society was telling you that it's not okay to be single, i want to tell you that society is wrong...


being single is an opportunity to focus on things that might become much more difficult to devote time to if/when you are in a committed relationship or starting a family. being single means that you have time to learn and try new things, that you have a great calling and purpose - and that you need to focus on figuring out exactly what that is! being single is a time to grow closer to God, to learn more about yourself as you grow and mature, and to show up. to be there for friends and family members when they are struggling. it's a chance to serve. it's a time to read, to play, to challenge yourself and those around you! it's a time for adventure, for love, for risks, and for dreaming. it's also a time to start creating healthy habits in your life that you can later bring in to relationships and families if that's where life takes you. being single is exciting, not because you're single, but because you've been given the gift of time to focus on something else. probably a lot of somethings else.


so build and grow. build a community. grow deeper relationships. discover your passions and hobbies! find what makes you excited. find your way to give back. try new things. and don't let your relationship status dictate whether or not you are enough.


happy new year!!


kortney alacyn

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